What is it about?
This article reviews nearly 25 years of research on how couples actually communicate—not just how they say they communicate. Using observational data from 28 studies, we explore how different communication styles, both “positive” (like empathy, humor, and warmth) and “negative” (like criticism or withdrawal), relate to how satisfied couples feel in their relationships. Surprisingly, even “negative” styles can sometimes help—depending on context.
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Why is it important?
Therapists and researchers have long assumed that positive communication leads to satisfaction and negative communication leads to dissatisfaction. But our systematic review reveals a more nuanced picture: the impact of a communication style depends on who is communicating, what they’re talking about, and what stressors or identities are in play. For example, direct expressions of anger or blame may be beneficial in highly stressed or low-income couples. These findings challenge one-size-fits-all clinical assumptions.
Perspectives
This work redefines how we understand and teach communication in relationships. It urges couples therapists to consider cultural, contextual, and individual factors—moving beyond blanket advice to “just be more positive.” It may reshape how clinicians tailor communication-focused interventions, and how researchers measure and interpret couple communication in diverse populations. Ultimately, it invites more flexible, inclusive, and evidence-based support for couples navigating complex relational challenges.
Madeline Jubran
Nova Southeastern University
Read the Original
This page is a summary of: Our love language: A systematic review of the association between observed couple communication and relationship satisfaction., Couple and Family Psychology Research and Practice, March 2025, American Psychological Association (APA),
DOI: 10.1037/cfp0000280.
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