What is it about?
This study began with curiosity regarding how long-term couples with children manage their relationships in view of changing societal demands and ideals. Couples interviewed for this study described the intersection of time and intimacy as a core issue. Thus this analysis focused on how couples construct intimacy in their time together. The diverse sample included 17 heterosexual working and professional class couples in the United States who had been committed for at least ten years and whose oldest child was aged 6 to 16. The analysis identified four types of intimate experiences, gender divided, elusive, growing and emotionally connected. Four factors influenced how couples were categorized: (a) how well they negotiated gendered differences, (b) their level of commitment in planning time together, (c) how much attention each paid to other during time together, and (d) Were they each other’s best friend. The most emotionally connected couples reported that time together reinforced marital satisfaction and increased the amount of pleasure from their relationships. The results help explain different ways couples successfully create intimate time even in stressful times and why some couples struggle.
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Why is it important?
One of the most helpful features of this article is its examination of the differences in the way men and women experience intimate time together. We all have a sense that there are important differences in the way both genders approach relationships in general but most of us are not clear what this means for relationship satisfaction. This study helps to answer some of those questions in the area of intimacy between married couples.
Perspectives
As noted earlier I came to this study with a curiosity about how couples negotiate and experience intimacy in their relationships. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I have worked with couples who had various differences in the way they described their intimate times and I wanted to find out the factors that influenced those experiences. For example, how did couples who were going through the stress and strain of work and having children manage to maintain and in some cases increase their level of intimacy while others did not? How were men and women different in their approach to time together and did those differences contribute to the couple’s ability to enjoy deeper intimacy? I concluded that the best way to obtain answers to such questions was to ask the couples themselves. This study was the result.
Dr Conroy Reynolds
University of Redlands
Read the Original
This page is a summary of: Gender and the Construction of Intimacy among Committed Couples with Children, Family Process, September 2014, Wiley,
DOI: 10.1111/famp.12100.
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